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Grundlage commented on
Posted by
8 points · 9 hours ago

Auburn defeats a Saint Louis

Is there...more than one? How many of them are out there?

Grundlage commented on
Posted by
1 point · 18 hours ago

What is everyone's opinion on holiday gifts? I was blind sided with $200 of gifts last year while dating someone for only 6 weeks (it's over now), but what is normal for most people regarding timeframes?

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4 points · 17 hours ago

Last year I started dating someone in mid-November, and after a few weeks they suggested that we take each other out to an unusually nice restaurant for a mutual Christmas gift. I thought it was great; it was a way to spend extra money on each other without feeling like we were doing anything unusual (it was just another date, after all). But the important thing was that she proactively communicated about it, which removed any possible awkwardness.

1 point · 2 days ago

What do you like about hinge compared to bumble? Doesn’t the free version of hinge only give you like 5 right swipes a day or something like that? That doesn’t seem like a lot but I’m not that familiar with hinge

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1 point · 2 days ago

I think it's eight, not five.

As a guy, what I like better about Hinge is:

- Features that are behind a paywall on other apps are free on Hinge (the back button, sending messages with your like, seeing who has liked you)

- Being able to send a message with my like seems to have a huge impact on my ability to get matches. I'm like an 8 and my pictures are okay but not fantastic, so my ability to craft more funny/interesting messages is one of the few edges I have over the competition.

- It prevents me from going on endless swipe-athons, a behavior I dislike but which Bumble and Tinder make hard to resist

- In my area, the three apps have very different demographics, and the people I appeal to/that appeal to me are clustered on Hinge for some reason. Obviously YMMV on this but it's worth it to check out the different apps to see if one in your area has a population better suited to what you're looking for.

- The 24-hour window on Bumble is my least favorite feature of any app I have ever installed on my phone, and Hinge doesn't have that

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Grundlage commented on
Posted by
16 points · 22 hours ago

You blew my mind with the top part of your post. I've never thought about what needs I could meet in a partner and that was radically clarifying for me! I've thought about what I bring to the table, but so what? The needs that I can meet for them is way more important!!❤️

I think your model has some hidden assumptions about asking partners for what you need that are inaccurate and probably counter productive. All of us need to ask directly for what we need from our partners, and that should be met with enthusiasm. Your model suggests that the more directly we need to ask, the colder the reception will be. That's not true, and I think it sets up an unrealistic standard of judgement for people (maybe you?) when they're trying to evaluate a relationship. Finding a 1 is Disney fantasy stuff.

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11 points · 18 hours ago

Exactly right. Most very good relationships are a mix of 1-3. Thinking that "never have to ask" is the gold standard is actually a common source of problems in relationships, as partners begin to resent each other for not picking up on uncommunicated needs. Look, picking up on uncommunicated needs is awesome and good relationships often include a lot of that. But there's no reason to expect that that model will work all the time.

Grundlage commented on
Posted by
5 points · 3 days ago

Iron Bowl

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7 points · 3 days ago

Ball Bowl

Grundlage commented on
Posted by
3 points · 3 days ago

I would not consider this a dealbreaker, but I would also insist that we routinely engage in 19th century cosplay in order to make it a fun part of our vibe

Mostly kidding, but I would not consider this a red flag at all unless you seemed not to take it appropriately seriously. Like if you thought nothing of driving or scuba diving despite this condition, that might be a red flag.

Grundlage commented on
Posted by
21 points · 3 days ago

My tattoo artist, who I have been friends with for a long time, text me the other day. Haven’t seen him in 2 years due to Covid and him living/working an hour away plus with our busy lives it just hasn’t happened. He was texting to tell me he had a conversation with his best friend (I assume about dating) and that he thinks we (his bestie and I) would be a great fit. So I’ve been texting his best friend for few days and things have been good. We have a date to a comedy club tomorrow night. Looking forward to it!

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2 points · 3 days ago

I’m going to start adding “get lots of tattoos” to the list when people ask how to meet people IRL

Grundlage commented on
Posted by
7 points · 4 days ago

Universities are already extremely stressed for funding and enrollment has been dropping for many years.

I don't mean to be impolite, but... what on earth have they been doing with all that money? We've been handing them an ever-increasing slice of GDP, we made them gatekeepers to middle-class life and guaranteed them a federally-backed gravy train, and they're extremely stressed for funding?

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5 points · 4 days ago

Tuition has been going up, yes, but that's in concert with state funding going down. Universities used to rely on federal and state funding for the lion's share of their budgets. That has largely dried up, so the only way to stay afloat these days is to raise tuition.

Given that there are fewer students to go around (and will be fewer in the near future), this puts universities under immense pressure to compete for students, which means spending more money. That's what I mean when I say universities are stressed for funding: there is really only one viable source left (tuition) unless you're lucky with rich alumni, you have to spend money to woo students, and there is always a bigger, richer university with newer buildings and a nicer gym to outcompete you.

2 points · 3 days ago

Universities used to rely on federal and state funding for the lion's share of their budgets. That has largely dried up, so the only way to stay afloat these days is to raise tuition.

I don't buy it; were the feds and the state subsidizing things to the tune of fifty grand per year per student? It doesn't look like it; in 1988, students were paying for about a quarter of their costs in tuition at public universities, and as of 2018, they're paying more like half. But prices have risen (taking CPI delta for higher education divided by CPI delta for all goods) by +160% adjusted for inflation over that same period.

Universities managed with fewer students and lower tuition in the past; I don't buy that this is anything other than a self-inflicted disaster. Nobody made them fluff, rather than cut, costs as subsidies went down. We have worked examples where tuition has fallen over the last ten years (adjusted for inflation), and they don't seem to be hurting for attendance.

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1 point · 3 days ago

Good points. But I don’t buy that education costs have gone up without a rational incentive any more than I buy that food costs are going up just because of corporate greed or whatever. At this point we’re just repeating Scott’s cost-disease post, though.

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Grundlage commented on
Posted by
110 points · 5 days ago · edited 4 days ago

An edit: I was way off with the podcast I was thinking of. Thanks for catching my mistake, humans. I was thinking of the same Girls Gotta Eat episode that muthagooseee mentioned below.

Original post: The Man Talks podcast just put out a great episode titled “What Every Man Should Know about Sex.” It would be an easy one to share. The therapist he interviews basically says, look, women’s bodies are complicated—we can’t even figure our own bodies out 100% of the time and no two women have the same interests and needs sexually. It takes a lot of the “you’re bad at this” energy out of it and refocuses it to something more like…this is a unique situation we have to explore and figure out together. Hope that helps.

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15 points · 5 days ago

I listened to this podcast and it was mostly about breathing to avoid ED. An important point for sure, but giving a woman an orgasm goes way beyond keeping it up. Seems like OP’s guy might have a different problem.

298 points · 5 days ago

I'll add from a guy's experience: one thing that can be confusing for us is that whether we are good in bed can depend on the woman, too. The first woman I was with after my divorce, I could get her to her first orgasm in <10 minutes and it only got better from there. Doing the exact same things to the next woman gave her an experience I can only describe as "anxious boredom". Different women are different, and the vibe two people have is contextual and arises out of their interaction. It's entirely possible that the guy you had stellar, multi-orgasmic sex with is struggling to make his new girl orgasm consistently. So the fact that he's not very finessed may mean that he's struggling with the fact that you don't react the way previous experiences have led him to expect. Sexual prowess is a two way street!

So whatever you say to him, it will help if you put it in a way that doesn't refer back to other experiences. You can do this while still being direct. "Hey, sex works best for me when XYZ, here's what that looks like (either demonstrate it for him or send him a link to a video/article/etc", I need this and this, it would be really hot if you did that."

Brother Genitivi wannabe

u/Grundlage · 8y
Cake day
May 17, 2015
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