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2
Posted by4 months ago

how do you deal with toxic parents?

i have been dealing with my mom who i suspect bipolar disorder or bordline perosnality disorder . she is often at times with the family even the extended one. it has cause an emotional toll on me , and make me fearful of marriage given the fact i witness the abuses she does to my dad like nagging on bed when my dad is very tired from work.

i have thought of the typical resolution like family service centre , she refuse to go. seeking medical treatment for her she refuse to go. even went to seek a new religion and chanted for her to heal. sometimes although we try to live our best living to our best version, there would be team mate on your boat sabotaging the progress and u cant do anything.

i cant move out now as i am not married , not enough cash to buy private, finds rental market cashoutflow not prudent and wise because the cashoutflow can be used for mortage payment which can lead to ownership in tue end.

i know end of the day despite the advice prayer the community give, we have to face our demons ourselves and other cant help much.

to sign off with a chinese quote i live by a combination teaching from confucious and lao tze ,反求诸己,自作自受,不怨天不忧人

7 comments
63% Upvoted
level 1

You rule out moving out, but that’s exactly what I did to get out of the house. I loved my mom but she could be abusive. Moving out actually improved our relationship — Because I no longer had to tolerate her verbal abuse. I simply left when things got too much. Over time, she learned to behave better.

Yes, renting isn’t the most financially prudent thing you could do. But the question is: how much do you value your freedom, mental health, and family relationships?

16
level 2

Second this. Rented a room of my own and my mental health has been improving significantly afterwards.

5
level 1
[deleted]
· 4 mo. ago

Similar situation, wanted to move out since JC, and finally did it when I gained financial independence after a few years of working.

I moved out so that I can take a break from my mom's toxicity, as well as to establish boundaries. So yes, our relationship actually improved from my moving out and she's a lot more aware of her own behaviour now.

Agree with momokplatypis that renting might not be the most financially sound move, but the relief you get for your mental health and relationships is gonna be so worth it.

4
level 2
[deleted]
· 4 mo. ago

The other solution, which is what my sis who's still staying with my parents employ, is to simply grey rock my mom.

1
level 1

I mean the you only live your 20s-30s once, supposedly the best period of your life. The money spent on rental could be earned back when you are older, especially if living along allow you to be in a better state of mind and be able to perform better at work. But the mental scar from living through a painful time is something can’t be changed once you are older. The lost years can’t be bought back with money.

2
level 1

first things first, you need to ascertain if your mom is toxic or if she has mental health problem(s). if it's the latter, she can't help it, especially since she didn't get diagnosed/correct treatment(s).

1

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