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r/abusiveparents
r/abusiveparents
31
Posted by2 months ago

is it abusive behavior for my mother to self-harm and then use it to make me feel bad?

tw self harm i guess


a few weeks ago, i noticed cuts on my mother's arm and i asked her what happened, and she told me not to worry about it/we'll talk about it later. tonight, we were talking (fighting) and she brought up the cuts on her arm and then told me that she did it herself. i asked her why and see said she did it to "see how cuts heal so she would know if i was lying about the freshness of my scars". of course, i start crying, and she starts saying shit like "now you know how it feels" and "take how you're feeling right now and multiply it by a thousand, that's how i feel when you cut yourself."

i want to tell my dad, but i don't know if he already knows. my parents are also divorced and i don't know if this would have any effect on the custody arrangement. i just don't know what to do.

9 comments
96% Upvoted
level 1

Wow. That is bizarre behaviour, and definitely abuse. If your father feels like a safe person to talk to then I would definitely recommend talking to him about this. You don't deserve to be treated like this.

21
level 2
Op · 2 mo. ago

i ended up telling him and he had no idea that she did that. he was really shocked and said that we would talk more about it when i got home tonight. he also asked my mom about it and she confronted me about calling him and started swearing up and down that she was fine and that there was no malicious intent behind what she did.

13
level 1

Yeaaahhhh this is emotional manipulation and gaslighting. If your dad is a safe person then tell him, think about who to want to live with because your mom sounds like someone who will make your life miserable and once she breaks you she'll just make you feel more miserable because she's miserable. Your mom needs professional help. If she was really concerned with you harming yourself the conversation should have been something along the lines of asking what's wrong and if they can do anything to help you. Not gaslighting you.

10
level 2
Op · 2 mo. ago

the whole reason she ended up doing it was because she saw some really old, but raised scars on my thigh when i was wearing shorts. idk why she thought that this was okay to do

8
level 1

Next time she does this, have her involuntarily committed. If she truly needs help (not doing it for the sheer manipulation of it), she can get the help she needs. If she's doing it to mess with you, she probably will never do anything like this again. Problem solved either way.

6
level 1

Oh my, I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through that. As someone who was in your exact place only a few years ago, yes, this is abuse. A very heavy and traumatizing form of it. What I will tell you now, is that no matter what anyone tells you, you need to start to fight to live with your dad. Custody battles can be nasty, but what I can tell from this post is that this is only a small peek at other horrible things that are going on behind the scenes. Your mother is what's called a narcissist. It means she wants to feel and look better than everyone else around her. My mother is the same way. Just last year I finally got away from my abusive mother and moved in with my dad after years and years of struggling, wanting to live with him. Please, please talk to your dad about this, and maybe even ask him if you both can start the court process for you living with him. I promise that the worst that could come out of that private conversation with your dad is that he'll say he can't do anything at the moment. There's no harm in asking, and no harm in telling him what has happened. It is abuse. I'm so sorry your mother is doing this to you. I wish you all the best.

4
level 1

She is mentally and emotionally abusing you with this

3
level 1

yes, this is horrible textbook mental and emotional abuse. tell your dad. live with your dad. cut ties with your mum! this is so sad. i’m so sorry you’re experiencing this.

2