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Military Wives

r/MilitaryWives

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Posted by5 hours ago

Hi All,

I’ll try to not make this post too long, but no promises. My husband and I have been together for five years and married for four. He’s been in the Army the whole time. We generally have a great relationship, and we were friends for a very long time before marrying. When he was stationed in the US, I switched my time between the state I lived in and where he was stationed. The reason I stayed in another state was because I was halfway through my bachelors degree at the time, and doing an internship through my university with the intention of seeking employment there after I graduated. This arrangement worked really well for us. Sure…we missed each other but it made the relationship really strong and wonderful when we did see each other. My husband then got the notification he’d be PCSing overseas. After eight months of long distance I made the decision to follow him out there, and he didn't pressure me to move at all. I dropped my internship and job, switched universities so I could complete my degree online, and packed up my stuff and our dog. Both me and my husband were seriously misled about available employment opportunities for me at this overseas location, as he and I were of the belief that it was going to be easy to find employment…especially since the industry I work in was/is hurting for employees.

I’ve been here for almost two years, and have finished my bachelors, and applied to jobs both on base and remotely. The amount of hidden hoops you have to jump through to even get an interview for a federal job is bonkers, remote jobs turn me down once they find out I'm overseas and not located somewhere in the US, and obtaining a work visa for where we are is very complicated and there is also a huge language barrier. I've heard similar stories from other mil spouses, that they've had a nightmare of a time trying to find work overseas, even if they are qualified or overqualified. The social outlets here are basically non existent. The other spouses in my SFRG are all very nice, but they are either busy with children or just trying to get through the day and find a job just like I am. Words can't even describe how lonely I am and how much I miss my friends and family. I spend my days cleaning our house and attending to the mental load that is practically intolerable, even without kids. I gave up a promising career line in the US to follow my husband to a duty station that is miserable for both of us, and it doesn't help that every other spouse around me feels that same way--that they can't wait to get out of here.

There are almost no outlets here for recreation, and you can only ride your stationary bike and hike outside in grey scenery that has unhealthy air quality so many times. What's even more frustrating is that we live a 1 hour train ride away from one of the coolest cities in the world, and we've only been twice in two years...partially because of covid and partially because my husband works 9-12 hours, 5-6 days a week. I realize that there are certain life changes that come with being a military spouse, and that there are a lot of things that are non-negotiable, and that this life is not for everyone. My husband is very sympathetic to the position I've been put in, and he feels bad (not that it is his fault, as he didn't know). I feel so incredibly resentful and misled by the military at the availability of employment and the overall duty station environment. I gave up my entire life in the states, my employment, and (it feels like) part of my self worth so I could be cooped up in a house with no employment outlets and so I could basically be a house wife (no hate if that is the lifestyle you are happy with, it is just not for me at all). We have 7 months before we PCS back to the states, where I have to restart my internship over because it is required for my work field...so basically 1-2 years of still no income all because I gave up my prior internship/job to follow my husband overseas. If anyone has been in this situation, or can relate, or has advice, anything at all...please lmk.

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Crossposted by7 hours ago
Posted by3 years ago
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Posted by3 days ago
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Posted by6 days ago

Hello, I could really use some advice. So i just found out Im pregnant! First of all here is my situation. We live off base and do not live within a 30 minute drive to the MTF, so I was able to elect having a PCM who is much closer to me and I get referrals from her that are always off base. I’ve never even been to our MTF. However, We were pregnant the cycle before this and lost the pregnancy (very early on, still took its toll on us though.) When I first went into my PCM to get a referral for pregnancy and confirm the positive test, she put in a referral for an OBGYN who I have already seen and would really like to go to. But, then the referral wouldn’t go through because first - the MTF had to “accept/deny” me. This confused me so much because we’ve never had to drive there before due to drive time, so why now? Well, it took them over 10 business days to reach out to me. I had called previously to check on my referral several times, explaining that I had concerns due to some health conditions and also things I was experiencing, but they told me it was out of their hands and I just had to wait. Well, by the time they called me to tell me I was accepted, I had lost our baby. And I don’t know that they could’ve changed the outcome, but I also am extremely fearful now with this pregnancy for a lot of reasons, and one of them is that I won’t be able to get in when I need to. I have an appointment with my PCM tomorrow. Does anyone have any recommendations/can you explain if i’m stuck having to use the MTF even though it’s outside driving time standards? I’m just confused and really nervous about everything and feel I should see a doctor asap with my history. Thanks in advance so much!

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A place for any military spouse or partners to share their experiences and learn from each other.
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