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Jokes: Get Your Funny On!

r/Jokes

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Helpful (Pro)Rocket Like2OriginalBless Up
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HelpfulWholesomeSilver3
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Posted by8 hours ago
Bravo Grande!

He was ordering the food and he noticed that his waiter carried a spoon in his pocket.

It seemed a little strange. Then he looked around and saw that all the staff had a spoon in their pockets.

He asked his waiter, "Why the spoon?"

"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's management found out that spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It has a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 2 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, he dropped his spoon and the waiter was able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." said the waiter.

The man was impressed. He also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, he noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before the waiter walked off, he asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?" "Oh, certainly!" Then the waiter lowered his voice. "The management also found out that we can save time in the restroom by tying this string to our dick, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 45 percent." The man asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."

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Posted by2 hours ago

In the early days, metal containers were the cheapest and easiest to make, so almost all food was stored in cans. Tin was a particularly soft and easy to mold/shape, and didn’t rust like other options, so most preserved food cans were made of tin.

Things went great for a while, with some foods easily being shipped to places they previously wouldn’t have survived due to long journeys, and families could store food to eat when it wasn’t available fresh.

However, reports of illness around certain foods started to become prevalent. Pickles foods would frequently “go bad” much sooner than other canned foods, and even though the food tasted the same, people would report illness very soon after eating older pickled products. After years of analyzing (crudely) samples of purportedly problematic pickles, scientists finally concluded the preserved foods themselves were fine—it was the cans that were the problem!

They discovered certain food solutions—like pickle brine—could “leach” harmful chemicals from tin, much faster than non-brined foods. As an experiment, they started un-canning recently preserved pickles and putting pickled food in glass containers instead of tin. Jarred pickles tasted exactly the same and were preserved just as well as their canned counterparts, but nobody got sick!

In the end, the conclusion was uncanny and jarring.

Note: this is my first “original” joke (though inspired by lots of other variations). Definitely feel like it’s missing something in the setup and delivery—was going for a “I can’t believe I read that whole thing for a dad-joke level punchline”, but feel I may have missed the mark. Welcoming all criticism.

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Created Jan 25, 2008

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