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I Want To Learn: Connecting people who want to learn with people that can teach

r/IWantToLearn

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Posted by8 days ago
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Posted by1 day ago
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Posted by5 hours ago

It annoys me that I don't have any person in my life that really care to talk to me, like in my university discord server, peeps talk to each other, joke to each other, but I feel like an outsider, I don't know why, I try to joke around , talk around, but it never come to a result, I don't have "true" friends in university, just people I talk with. People from my work don't even talk to me that much, everyone seem to get along with each other, I sometimes accept that I am happy when I stop trying to befriend anyone, or to talk to anyone, but I can't lie to myself and stay alone forever, I am actually living in another country, and people from the origin country don't even talk to me or even asked about me (and to ensure that I keep connected with them I always start and initiating when chatting with them, but they never start chatting with me).

However, I feel something is wrong going on, couple of years ago, my parents were on financial issues, they decided to actually somehow take me to the health center and sign me up as a person with disability (i dont have disability at all), in order to pay less for university costs , that moment, my self esteem struggled a lot, sometimes I blamed my parents, sometimes I used to say that I need to build my self esteem regardless of hardships I was going through.,no one in university knew about it. I tried to make friends there, it was hard af, I talk to people, people don't even really show any care, it feels like some people get excited with each other but not with me. Anyway I moved to a new country I forgave my parents about it, and they decided that they will pay in full this time in the new university , and that last time happened because of financial issues, however, I try to make friends in new country, I am not coming to results, I just meet people, talk to them first week, next week they are like any other person, they tag along with their old friends , and I stay alone, though we stay connected sometimes, but this is hardly about it.

Note about me, I am a person who does not say alot, surely I like to joke, I like to hangout....etc, but sometimes I feel like I am not really controlling the situation to actually make myself and people interested.

I sometimes think hard to actually open a conversation.

I am trying to end the bad habit of wasting time in general.

I do have hobbies like reading, going to gym, programming, gaming....etc.

Sometimes when I talk I find myself not really connecting my words well together, like it is hard for me to talk.

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Posted by23 hours ago
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Posted by4 hours ago

Hi so i have a confession , mostly in my teens whenever someone either really hurt my feelings online (on fb for example) and due to be purposely rude/attack me , typical online drama causing bullies basically my mind automatically resorts to going on their profile, googling them , getting as much info on them/their family/location to then wanna put together offensive personal messages, or even youtube videos exposing their behaviour and life trauma… i dont think i have ever uploaded a video , ive made them, but felt so wrong within myself, like its not right to do this, to think this way, of course i wish no one caused me to wanna do this but, its me choosing, its me wanting to inflict more pain to those who did it to me.

For context i think i might have somesort of autism problem, i do have social anxiety, and was bullied loads, i can socialize so if autism not huge, i can tell the difference between right and wrong,most things i write the hatred but dont post, still…deleting it is hard ca my mind is like , i want it to be there just in case they hurt me again or as a shield, i never knew how to defend myself in person, i never did, online getting deep and personal was different, i could get bk at them twicefold, but again, ive never posted any of the deep stuff like locations, addresses, ….its scary why my mind resorts to this, a power thing? Well i will ask yr thoughts, i hope i dont seem like a serial monster, id much prefer sitting talking reasonably with people that hurt me, some though, id love seeing suffer, but i have a conscious and now as an adult id feel scared and letdown by my own self somehow… is it ok to journal twisted hatred? What do u recommend? I just feel like if i let it go when i am shamed /unaccepted socially/bullied etc, if i let it go, they continue smiling and i am the victim as always.

I just want to give an example of perhaps the darkest thoughts, once at an old job, this girl who reminded me of my main high school bully, she did that malicious looking smerk, she did pick on me for me being quick, many times, “why dont you talk man” then eventually at a group training, i had question and whilst i was trying to explain it she said “dude, shut up” and everyone laughed, i felt targeted by her, cause essentially she didnt do it to anyone else. Anyways she had a child recently, like5 yrs away or something, he was lil, i had so much pain and rage, my mind thought of putting in her locker plastic babies covered in red liquid to mimic blood…which is sooo fked up and of course i didnt do, jesus, for context i was a kid once unless a kid seemingly terrifies and bullies another that seems shy like i was or similar, i dont wanna hit them and ive never hurt kids!! , but for my mind to have thought that…. Like seeing the villains experience fear and discomfort would make me feel a bit vindicated, i let people in high school do terrible teasing and physical picking on me and i was petrified to respond, they targeted me on purpose, but being shy, gay , speaking up was a death sentence emotionally, I will leave thoughts here

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About Community

Have you ever wanted to learn a martial art, or to play the guitar, or how to program a computer? Have you had difficulty figuring out where to start, what path to take or just wanted some advice to get you to the next level? Well, that's what /r/IWantToLearn is all about! Tell our community what you want to learn, and let those who came before you help guide you towards success!
Created Feb 28, 2010

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Starting a Major Project or Learning a New Skill
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"Just want to learn about..."
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No Personal Issues or Social Skills
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Other Educational Subreddits

/r/Answers - Get answers to the questions about "everything you ever wanted to know about anything but were afraid to ask."

/r/LearnProgramming - Programming resources for new developers.

/r/LanguageLearning - Resources for those wanting to learn to speak/read a new language.

/r/RedditDayOf - Where everyday is a new topic for readers to research and post the best information they can find on the subject.

/r/LifeLongLearning - A place to share and learn about the wealth of free resources available on the internet to develop your mind, skills, and understanding in all subjects.

/r/FrugalLearning - An affordable approach to learning.

r/ExplainLikeImScared - Basic, detailed, step by step guides to daily tasks for people with anxiety disorders, social phobias, aspergers, or regular folk doing something brand new.

/r/StudyTips and r/Studying

/r/GradSchool

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