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r/AmItheAsshole
3.3k
Posted by2 months ago
The Poop KnifeA Diamond in the PooTriple-Ply Toilet PaperAre You Serious?4Press FI am disappointSnekFacepalm3

AITA for asking my SIL to babysit my Kids.

I 33F have 3 kids under 4 both my husband and I work full time. We send out children to day care which is VERY expensive. My SIL(27) husband's little sister is due to give birth to her first baby in about a month. She is very lucky her job is providing her with 6 months maternity leave fully paid.

Here is where the conflict comes in. Since she will be home for 6 months watching her baby my husband and I were thinking we could also drop our children off. My husbands mother is there with her most days anyway and her husband for the first 3 weeks so she has a lot of help. It would also be a nice time for all the cousins to bond and get close. It would also save us a ton in child care cost for 6 months and we can throw some money in savings finally.

My husband and I visited his sister last week and brought this up to her near the end of our visit she was very quiet but said she would think about it. The next day she sent my husband a text saying that she discussed it with her husband and they decided they want that time to just bond with the baby and taking the kids would be too much. We honestly think this is BS and her husband obviously talked her out of it. She has her husband and my MIL there to help her she wont even need to brother with my kids and its only for 6 moths. We offered to let her have 2 weeks with just the baby so they can bond and start brining out kids after that but she declined.


My husband is more upset then I am and has been ignoring his sister since in his words is she cant help out family then she isn't his family. She has called and texted mu husband many times but he ignored them all then blocked her. she is very upset about his and so is MIL she keeps telling my husband he is ruining her pregnancy and causing her stress. He wont back down and now my MIL is mad at me because I was the one who asked. I see my husbands point family should help family but I wish he would just back down to make peace.

2.8k comments
79% Upvoted
level 1
ModModerator Achievement · 2 mo. ago · Stickied commentLocked
The Poop Knife
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

  1. Asking my SIL to babysit our kids while she is on maternity leave. 2. It has caused a riff in the family and is making my SIL pregnancy difficult.

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Vote
level 1
· 2 mo. ago
StarryMind BlownHelpful2Wholesome
Pooperintendant [59]

YTA

She will be home for 6 months in order to recover and bond with her newborn, NOT to save you money on daycare. How dare you?

19.3k
level 2
· 2 mo. ago · edited 2 mo. ago
Take My Energy
Pooperintendant [63]

Now, now, in total fairness, they offered to "let her" have two whole weeks alone with the baby...lmao

holy shit the entitlement is mind-boggling

9.0k
level 2
· 2 mo. ago
Partassipant [3]

Yeah, YTA big time OP. Take your 3 kids during bonding time with her FIRST baby? You suck.

1.1k
level 2

I think it’s also important to say that MIL is there to help SIL so she can recover and bond with her newborn, not look after OP’s kids.

OP, think back to your very first child. You’re a first time mom and are learning how to be a mother. You’ve been blessed with 6 months to learn and get into a routine that benefits you, your husband, and your new child. Your mother and husband are there in the first weeks to help you get situated and to heal. They’re focused on what you need to make it easier and your husband gets to bond with his child. There is also a possibility that you might suffer from PPD or PPA or both.

Now, be completely honest with yourself. If SIL had 3 kids under 4 that she dropped off with you to look after for at the very least 8 hours a day, how would you feel? What happens if it was a difficult birth? What happens if you take longer than you expect to heal? What happens if there is an emergency and you have to tote 3 extra kids with you? What happens when your mother leaves and your husband goes back to work? And what happens when your PPD gets so bad you can’t cope with a newborn and 3 other children?

That’s what you want to do to your SIL. The cousins won’t bond because it’s A NEWBORN AND SMALL CHILDREN. The cousins won’t need 40+ hours a week for HALF the year to bond.

Your husband cutting his sister off is a blessing in disguise for her. The last thing she needs is 2 entitled assholes trying to monopolize her time with her child. YTA and so is your husband. Y’all should be ashamed. Quit stressing a pregnant woman out and go fucking apologize before it’s too late. JFC.

Edit: extra word

505
level 2

I am beyond livid on the sister in laws behalf

457
level 2

Yeah, how many kids under 4 was OP caring for after she gave birth to her first? YTA

OP, I feel for your SIL. You are both blighting what should be an exciting time and what is also a stressful and sometimes painful time. How can you not see how selfish that is? Three kids under 4 was your idea, not SIL's. EEK

379
level 2
· 2 mo. ago
Partassipant [2]

OP you are a massive prick. You want to take away her healing time and throw your toddlers at her when she is handling her newborn? There is a fine line between being financially deprived and an entitled self centred cheapskate. YTA and a massive one.

250
level 2
[deleted]
· 2 mo. ago

And not just 3 kids, but under 4! That means at least 1 is a baby and all 3 need constant care! I wouldn’t do it if I were CHILDLESS!

139
level 2

This! Seriously, I watched my niece who is 5mo older than my daughter while pregnant. Then started again when my daughter was about 2-3weeks old. And it was EXHAUSTING. I did it because there was no one else and she was in grad school (my niece was a surprise baby). And every time any member of our family had a day off they watched her for me. There is no way I could have had my own newborn and three toddlers! 🤦‍♀️

Two of my grandmas had 4 kids in 4 years and said to NEVER do it. One checked herself into the mental hospital multiple times.

OP - YTA and so is your husband. You have a choice. You didn’t have to have three kids so close together. This is asking waaay too much. AND your husband saying “she isn’t family?” The entitlement between the two of you is insane.

117
level 2

OP honestly thought she could slip the bullshit “cousin bonding” argument in there, too. I cackled. The audacity of some utter gaping assholes. Unbelievable.

78
level 2

Not to mention the germs they could spread to a newborn baby.

14
level 2

This can't be real. It just can't be. I have to believe that no one would think this is an acceptable request or I'll be in mortal fear for the fate of humanity.

14

58 more replies

level 1
· 2 mo. ago
Gold
Asshole Enthusiast [9]

YTA. That’s her time to bond with HER child and HEAL. Not to take care of yours. I barely believe this is even real, who would ask a brand new mother to babysit 3 kids like oh my God.

6.9k
level 2
· 2 mo. ago · edited 2 mo. ago
Wholesome

People who have 3 kids in quick succession, which they can’t afford - and expect their kids to be looked after for probably 40 to 45 hours per week for free just because they came up with a plan that suits them, without a bean of a thought for anyone else.

I’m getting a big old whiff of jealousy re the 6months maternity leave, and 3 wks paternity leave. Not to mention the absolute STENCH of entitlement.

3.4k

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